VGm Story 03: “The Ice Breaking Gamer”

Length: Medium

Alright my fellow campers I brought shampoo this time to keep those fucking ticks away so we should be good for a late night rave party but for now, I have another story to tell. I’m going to break my tradition of meeting online gamers and tell you of a hilarious gamer met in the real world this time.

I was traveling on a bus which was taking me to a destination of no importance and was sitting at the back of the bus (one of the side seats). I notice this guy, who we will call Bruce Pressington, listening to music in the very back left corner of said bus. This one guy (equipped with an intense jacket) sits next to him, taking up all the ball space! (soo rude)
I couldn’t tell if this bro knew Bruce or not but he starts talking to him regardless.

Bruce made no eye contact with him so I’m assuming they didn’t know each other (Kinda understandable since he couldn’t hear him and lost his ball space). Since he was ignored, this guy then starts making nasty-assed obnoxious hacking noises with his snot. He gets up and walks towards the exit of the buss and just before getting off, he checks himself out in a mirror (in the bus; not his own) to make sure he’s looking beautiful after an attempt to recover from that intense shun from Mr.Pressington.

Now… I can imagine Bruce being relieved to stretch his legs again but as a fellow-man, I honestly feel his pain for what was about to happen to him…

(Pausing to intensify the suspense which you are not feeling)

Right at the upcoming bus terminal – oh my fuck this song is classic; I haven’t heard this since the dinosaur age! …sorry, I’ll stop my music playing device. -
at the upcoming bus terminal his ball space was about to be ferociously taken away by another stranger.

Enter the socially awkward gamer.

To paint a mental image in your head, he had fairly long brown hair (where his bangs curves inward), rim-less glasses, jeans that showed off his white socks and kind of thick black shoes (when sitting) and a preppy jacket.

Note: I’m not making fun of his appearance. I’m just giving you a visual so you can decide whether or not to laugh at that. Also the depiction of him in the header of this blog doesn’t have glasses beause it took too much effort to draw.

This champ cruises to the back of the bus, completely in a world of his own, playing his Play Station Portable (PSP). Not even looking at where he was going, he waves at Bruce to move aside so he could sit down.  Bruce was pretty much against the friggen’ window at this point. I look over at the champ and notice he’s absolutely killing the buttons on his PSP and making strange kissy lips as if he were making sound effects to punches.

This gamer borderline yells to Bruce (trying to talk over the music) the most random ice breaker I had ever heard in my entire time of existing…

“SO I’M FIGHTING THIS GIRL AND I PUNCHED HER SOO HARD SHE LOST HER FUCKIN’ CLOTHES!”

Oh my stars ladies and gentlemen. I fucking lost it the very millisecond he finished his sentence. I was trying so hard not to laugh out loud (which made me want to laugh even harder) and the thought of what he said lingered in my mind through the rest of the bus ride, progressively getting funnier. All I could do was fall forward between my legs and pretty much laugh into my crotchal region.

It is hands down the best quote I’ve heard in 2011 so far and I’m sure everyone else on that bus agrees with me.

Alright now let’s start the rave party!

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VGm Video 13: “C:SS Nuke: Jinx”

Another recording by myself. Self Jinxing at its finest!

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VGm Video 12: “STUFOOO NOOBS”

Short, sweet and very un-natural. I can’t imagine how much that must’ve thrown people off. I always get a kick out of their calm laughter.

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VGm Video 11: “Neva Betta”

Highly amusing commentary by a man named Dot50cal in Left 4 Dead spread across 4 videos. Rather than post them all here, I’ll just leave it to you to find the rest in the related videos. Part 4 I’d say is the best.

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VGm Video: 08-10 “Mic Spam Fiesta”

An original recording by myself. Delicious amounts of mic spam happens.

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VGm Video 06-07: “TEAM ROOMBA PRESENTS: Team Fortress 2 Griefing”

Masterful griefing split in two parts (I love how serious the people get when playing the game in the team’s spawn in part 2).

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VGm Video 05: “I’m A Crab!”


Professional role-playing with quality voice acting. Even ’till their dying breath.

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