VGm Story 01: “Backlot Raging”

Backlot Raging
“Romantic Warfare”

Game: Call of Duty 4
Length: Long
Immaturity level: Very High

Note: This story takes place many moons ago and was on Xbox live. The XBL community is 100% rude so don’t bother getting offended by anything you read. It’s to be excepted.

Alright every one! Gather around the camp fire!
I have a funny video game moment to tell you which I hope will entertain you and give you a few laughs.

Okay… so this story is about my friends and I who came across a young teenage guy named something along the lines of “god fears me” and had some serious rage issues. Now… let’s face it folks, intentionally adding logs to the fire is a pretty fun thing to do when crossing these angry human beings in the online world. It always gives people a good laugh though I admit it’s childish. (I just hope this guy doesn’t turn out to be a killer because of internet assholes like yours truly. *slightly scarred*)

Note: This young guy wasn’t quite manly enough to have a deep voice so we’ll just call him “kid” through the duration of the story. This kid also has quite possibly the funniest scream I have heard in quite some time so whenever he screams or yells imagine hilarity at its finest.

The story begins with myself who and two other friends we will call “Champ Sauce” and “Thrusters on Full” playing Call of Duty 4 on the map Backlot. The kid (as mentioned above) was bragging about how awesome he was at this game. He wasn’t. He had more deaths then kills. A stranger on our team then pointed out his terrible score.

“I’m not doing good because I’m eating Burger King bitch!” The kid responded.

The other guy didn’t respond to his comment.
Most likely because he didn’t want to get into an argument (Smart man).

After acting all pro and cocky into the microphone for a while there was a sudden sweet moment of silence which graced our ears, only to be swiftly shattered by an other-worldly scream of which I had never before heard in my life…

“grahtarathrawheaah!” screamed the kid
“Fuuuck! I got barbecue sauce on my controller!!!”

The kid proceeds to scream into his mic until Champ Sauce interrupted him…

And speaking of interruptions, Matthew! Chew your food with your mouth closed! I’m having a hard time talking over you. (Totally just blown the minds of all readers named Mathew.) Alright, sorry about that folks! I shall now resume my story.

I could tell from the pissed off exhalation of his breath that he “Had enough of this shit”. So he finally says,

“Dude you’ve got some serious issues.”

Milliseconds after just finishing his sentence, the kid screams with rage and is so mad that he can’t even for a proper sentence.

“You mother fucker your dad with her hairy penis!”

Thrusters on Full strikes back with various statements proving what he said to be incorrect like,

“It’s impossible for a mother to obtain a penis, sex is determined by the reproductive organs of any species…”

I don’t remember word for word what he said but it was something along those lines. These comebacks spewed toxic hate into the kid’s heart and caused him to scream at a higher pitch. The speaker in my head set crackled from his ferocious anger.


(For some reason he challenged Champ Sauce rather than the one who gave the most comebacks.)

Kid: “You fuckin’ bitch! Fuck you fuck-fuck ect.”
(Without hesitation) Champ Sauce: “Alright let’s do it, I will destroy you.”

Kid: “No I’m still drinking my pop!”

By this point, everyone on our team was making fun of him.
This says a lot since most weren’t even talking. I could imagine them going out of their way to pick up the head-set just to plug it in and make fun of him.
Among the various insults one rose among the others as the most memorable…

“Common don’t be a bitch, ure talking shit to this guy than ya’ jus’ pussy out!”


Champ Sauce interrupts him,
“Chill out we’ll do it after the game. I’ll invite you since you’re too young to be party leader.”

“You fucking cock sucker!”

Silence blessed our ears again for a short while. I thought that maybe the kid calmed his dick or had lost his voice or something but then Champ Sauce says in a calm and uncaring voice,

“So yeah I know I’m gonna beat you but in case you do win, don’t be a bitch and brag about it or I’ll actually come find out where you live and end you!”

(Personally I think the whole “find out where you live” comment in smack talking to be pathetically stupid regardless of how intense it gets but I’m sure he just said it to keep the laughs coming.)

“Go ahead I live in New York!” exclaims the kid.

He then rambles on about something in regards to fucking Champ Sauce’s mother.
(I am sorry to say I can’t tell you what it was word for word because it was hard to decipher what he said. His scream was at the level of shattering my head set so I had to turn it down.)

Waving off the invitation, Champ Sauce says,
“Nah screw that I’m not paying 800 dollars to fly to dirty assed NY”

By this point, the kid is frustrated on a whole other level.
He starts saying something which everyone had a hard time translating because he’s trying to talk ghetto or something. We think he said,

“Why ‘cuz your dirt poor mother fucker?”

“If it’s no big deal when why don’t you come down here? *Gives exact location*”

Then I, as clever as I am handsome responds,

“I don’t think his parents will give him that much money, let alone leave the house unsupervised.”

Thrusters on Full, Champ Sauce and a few other strangers have a good laugh about it. Women came into my room, begging me to have hot passionate sexual intercourse with them as I unlocked an achievement for immense ownage.

You could faintly hear in the kid shouting in the background attempting to sound tough but was flooded out by laughter. As the match finally came to an end, I honestly couldn’t imagine the terror of what it would have been like for the people on the other team once the end game list showed up and the game switched from “team chat” to “open chat”…

Damn… we’ll gettem’ next ti– FUUUUUUCK YOU, YOU FAGGOT ASS FUCKERS!”

A mess of laughter and screaming. It must not have been good for their ears.
I told everyone to party up in the lobby and spectate the one on one match and surprisingly a good Number of people showed up. Even a friend of mine who I haven’t talked to in a long time (whom I had on my friends list) joined in randomly!

It was free for all on Bog, Champ Sauce was figuratively waxing his ass.
Because we couldn’t hear them playing in spectator mode, everyone joined in-game because we wanted to hear him spaz some more. (The story takes place before the party chat was made) So we sat at a distance and didn’t kill the two people who were doing battle.

He was against this as he thought we could cheat somehow. :\
At 5 minutes left of the round, everyone joined in on the fight and started killing each other. The kid was bitching like no other as Champ Sauce was ahead of him by 17 though after the game ended and we went back to the lobby he said Champ Sauce only won because we joined.

The kid left; immature laughs were had.
The end.

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